As a parent or guardian, when your child comes to you and expresses that they’re being bullied, you naturally want to jump into action to advocate for your child. That is the correct reaction. However, with the word bullying being so overused and often misused, we want you to investigate and focus on the behaviors that need to be addressed and work with your school to find a resolution. First, we suggest that we use the term youth violence and focus on prevention and response to that youth violence.

Please watch the following video to listen to Dr. John Nicoletti’s recommendations:

Bullying is a form of youth violence and an adverse childhood experience (ACE). CDC defines bullying as any unwanted aggressive behavior(s) by another youth or group of youths, who are not siblings or current dating partners, that involves an observed or perceived power imbalance, and is repeated multiple times or is highly likely to be repeated. Bullying may inflict harm or distress on the targeted youth including physical, psychological, social, or educational harm. Common types of bullying include:

Physical such as hitting, kicking, and tripping
Verbal including name-calling and teasing
Relational/social such as spreading rumors and leaving out of the group
Damage to property of the victim

Bullying can also occur through technology, which is called electronic bullying or cyberbullying. A young person can be a perpetrator, a victim, or both (also known as “bully/victim”).

Bullying can result in physical injury, social and emotional distress, self-harm, and even death. It also increases the risk for depression, anxiety, sleep difficulties, lower academic achievement, and dropping out of school. Youth who bully others are at increased risk for substance misuse, academic problems, and experiencing violence later in adolescence and adulthood. Youth who bully others and are bullied themselves suffer the most serious consequences and are at greater risk for mental health and behavioral problems.

What are the behaviors you should be concerned about and how can you address youth violence effectively as you advocate for and with your child? Both those who are bullied and those doing the bullying can be at risk. Again, we focus on the behaviors rather than the word bullying.

Signs a Child Is Experiencing Youth Violence:

Unexplainable injuries
Lost of destroyed clothing, books, electronics, or jewelry
Frequent headaches or stomach aches, feeling sick or faking illness
Changes in eating habits, like suddenly skipping meals or binge eating. Kids may come home from school hungry because they did not eat lunch
Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares
Declining grades, loss of interest in schoolwork, or not wanting to go to school
Sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social situations
Feelings of helplessness or decreased self esteem
Self-destructive behaviors such as running away from home, harming themselves, or talking about suicide

Signs a Child is Harming Others:

Getting into physical or verbal fights
Has friends who bully others
Are increasingly aggressive
Getting sent to the principal’s office or to detention frequently
Has unexplained extra money or new belongings
Blaming others for their problems
Doesn’t accept responsibility for their actions
Is competitive and worries about their reputation or popularity

Action plan for families:

When your child tells you of an issue or you see the signs above, it is time to start asking questions to determine what behaviors are occurring.
Define the concerning behaviors during your conversation. Write them down.
Approach your school/administrator from a place of partnership and describe the violent behaviors that are occurring.
Work with your school/administrator to discuss what can occur to create a protective environment and end youth violence.
Discuss interventions to lessen harms and prevent future risk.
Assess! Have follow up conversations with your child and set follow up meetings with your school/administrator to assess how the interventions are working or how they might be altered to prevent further issues.

It is important to remember that the school/administrator must also support students exhibiting these behaviors and consequences may not be shared with the victim’s family. Allowing our focus as parents and guardians to be on the positive culture and welcoming environment, prevention, and preparedness of youth violence enables our advocacy for our children to be more effective and powerful. Know that those who have experienced youth violence may need additional supports for recovery, a school social worker or behavioral health professional inside the school as well as outside of the school environment can be helpful.

Cyberbullying

42% of teens have been cyberbullied
51% of teen girls been cyberbullied
72% of LGBTQ youth have been cyberbullied
14% of teens have admitted to cyberbullying

tips-for-parents-when-your-child-is-cyberbullied

Additional resources:

Learn about youth violence and how to help create a positive culture. These resources are excellent to bring to your PTA or school accountability meetings for research and discussion!